16. Trilogy Finished (not)

All I Want

Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away

Yeah, maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it

Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person

Well, baby I know

Of Monsters and Men - Love love love

My tendencies to romanticise everything in my life hoping that one day I will get my happy ending just like in Pretty Woman where she rescues him back, sometimes like to bite me in the ass. 

Ivan was big. Valentin was even bigger. And knowing how many Ukrainians now live in Poland, I knew it's only a matter of time when one of them will get to close that trilogy in my love story. Funnily enough, that last piece of it, was the kindest and nicest of them all. Unlike spoiled Ivan or cocky Valentin, Igor was just... a good guy. Even more so I regretted I had to end it with him.

As always, Tinder was the scene of the first act. We matched, chatted, enjoyed it. Soon, I learned that one of the guys I sometimes talk to on Instagram, that I virtually met on Tinder and Grindr before we moved to Instagram, and who was reacting to my stories and vice versa, was an ex boyfriend of Igor. And since we started talking, this guy, his ex, just stopped talking to me. Funny triangle, but I couldn't care less about it. Apparently this guy told Igor that I'm super funny.

We decided to go for a boring coffee - I left the metro station and saw him standing nearby, but I pretended I didn't notice him, letting him have the first look. When I got to him, surprisingly I wanted to shake hands with him, that was something weird, as I learned to hug them on the first date. Something I got from all the foreigners I met before. You see, that's the thing with Polish guys - they're just shy, the opposite of confident, crazy and fun foreigners, they always shake hands with you, never give a hug on the first date. 

So here I was, my hand reached out to meet his hand, but he ignored it and said: Oh come on, after all we talked about, I think we should hug. Something small, but he scored with it. He knew some Polish, but we were talking in English and I loved his accent. Eastern Slavs, when speaking in English, have this really cute accent, a seductive, soft way of speaking. But if they change to Polish, all the charm is gone. Maybe another reason I fall for them and they turned out to be my type.

We hugged and started walking towards some cafe he knew. First minutes I was shy, asked him random questions just to hide the fact I got nervous. He seemed cool, had a really nice voice, but dressed quite poorly. The style of no style, fitting men who do not care about their closet and just want to put on something, no matter if it matches the rest. But it's nothing, clothes don't make the man, so it didn't matter to me. Constantly I had to look up, as we were walking next to each other and I was sure already that I like him.

When we got to this nice and small cafe of his choice, I sat down and leaned on the armchair and he did the exact same thing, even leaned in the same direction, like in a mirror. I know that if someone is attracted to you, they will imitate your moves, they will randomly touch you, keep looking you in the eyes. So in a way I knew he's also into me. Nice.

His humour was quite witty, he was well educated, knew a lot about many stuff, so we really had plenty of topics to talk about. He even made me laugh and it wasn't this forced laugh from the family "I like you, but you're not funny, but I don't want to offend you and make you think your jokes aren't funny, even though they aren't". So we clicked, basically. We moved to my favourite bar, found a table hidden from the curious eyes, talked more about some intimate things. At some point both of us put the hands on the table and I started randomly and "accidentally" touching him. But he liked it and then our touch stopped being accidental, as the conversation continued.

At some point he said he can't stand up to go to the bathroom, because someone between his legs woke up. Nice. I know it's silly, but I like to make them hard by doing practically nothing, especially in a public place or even more, on a first date. Makes me feel I still got it. That leads to a small problem, but I think I will keep it for the next story. Anyway, we were really getting to know each other and both of us enjoyed this date. He even asked me at some point if I like flowers. Of course I do.

When we stood up, he got closer, hugged me and kissed me gently on the lips. It wasn't very brave, as we were covered by a huge column and almost no one could see us, but still. Could there be something better than a kiss on the first date? Right there, right then, you know it went well and you're gonna see him again. Well, he asked me even earlier what's my plan for some day this week, so I knew already then, but this kiss just sealed the deal.

We started dating. In a short period of time we had plenty of dates, he came over to my place and brought me a red rose - for the first time ever a guy gave me a flower (except for Mattias, but I think he bought it more like for the flat, not me). This simple gesture made me feel amazing. I cooked for him my speciality, spaghetti Bolognese. He said no one ever cooked for him on any date, then we watched my favourite movie - Amelie. That was the first movie I watched with Mattias, so I could compare these two. Mattias was bored most of the time, didn't understand anything, while Igor was really into it. Kept laughing, noticed every little detail. I was captivated by him and started thinking that my search is finally done.

Unfortunately, I got to see his penis on the second date already as well. Way too quick. But it was nice, even though I didn't cum. Ignoring this one detail, everything was going great between us. On every date we were already planning a next one. We usually drunk some wine and he liked to make a toast to every cup we were drinking.

He was great, except for one small detail - he was really, I mean really triggered by this war in Ukraine. Anything Russian was just evil, if you mentioned to him something from this country, he got angry. He was posting quite a lot of stories on Instagram about this war, like dozens. About this attack or this Russian general killing someone. He turned it into his personality.

I understand it's a very sensitive subject, especially for someone from Ukraine, but he also knew he's letting it control him too much, apparently that's why he started seeing a therapist. Good for him, I always love when a guy has a therapist, it's like the greenest flag possible, even though I still refuse to go to one. 

This war thing disturbed our peace only once, because we never talked about it, he told me a few times that he gets carried away when speaking of this war, so we really never touched this topic. Once we were talking about languages, I told him that I always thought that Ukrainian language is something of a mix between Polish and Russian languages. He replied: Ukrainian language is a mix of Polish and go fuck yourself. I was stunned. Then I gave him a huge lecture on how could he say something like that to me, how dare he and all of that, ooh, I had my moment then.

He started apologising, apparently felt really bad for getting carried away like that, but still - if he could say to me go fuck yourself over a simple thing like that, what he would say or do in a normal argument? The pink filter I saw him through started cracking a bit.

Then, Mattias came back to my orbit, informing me that our puppy has epilepsy and in general it was a tough time for him. I felt sorry for him and for our puppy, immediately offered help and started seeing him more often, taking care of the dog just so he could go out for groceries or anything. 

Maybe this resurrection of Mattias had something to do with the fact I started losing my interest in Igor. I started comparing them - strong arms of Mattias to weak and thin arms of Igor, who never exercised even once in his life, unless you can call exercising turning pages of a book. His physique started being unattractive to me, weirdly. When he was sleeping at my place I got even more annoyed, couldn't close my eye for a moment - he didn't do what all the guys I slept with did before, he didn't spoon me. Instead, he turned his back and butt to me and maybe thought I will spoon him. He was vers, so then I started thinking that he will need both of his sexual sides to be satisfied.

And I wouldn't be able to satisfy his side of a bottom. So with time it was like I got programmed to stop liking him. He wanted to meet, I was postponing it. When we set a date, I had to cancel. It kept going on like that for about two weeks and finally, when he asked once again when he will see me, I sent him a long message on Instagram. How I really liked him at first, but then maybe saw how incompatible we are. How I'm sure I'm not the one for him and won't be able to give him what he needs. All that jazz.

He replied with something like - Ah, okay. To be honest I started thinking the same, thanks for being honest, wishing you all the best, too. What's weird, just maybe a few days earlier he told me he doesn't want to share his dick with anyone but me. Bummer. Then his ex started liking my posts again, so I stopped following him. Then saw that Igor also stopped following me and removed me as his follower. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say, couldn't blame him.

How is it, that you enjoy someone's company on a first, second, third date, but then you completely lose interest? And it wasn't a new match on Tinder for me, that distracted me from Igor, because I deleted that shit before ending things with him, knowing well that even if it comes to that, I will want to take another break from the guys. I just simply changed my mind about him one day, or maybe wasn't that interested in him in the first place, but felt kinda desperate and caught anyone that was slightly my type. Maybe I was determined to see a happy end to my trilogy. Or maybe I just liked the idea of him liking me. Therefore, random touch of my hands on our first date, to see his reaction.

But seeing how unpredictable it is, I understood now more what happened with other guys, who were into me at first but not so much later. It just happens. We're not very plausible creatures, we change our minds constantly. It doesn't put me in a good mood about dating, but not as much as the recent events with someone who beat Mattias, Ivan and Valentin combined. Muscular, very handsome Belarusian with unusual for his language name. He swept me off my feet and acted as he fell in love with me harder than anyone ever before. My perfect, narcissistic, egomaniac, manipulative love bomber. My final boss, Franc. 

Please Lord, let him be the last one.